Kill Me Slowly
by The Manatee
Summary: Sasuke is a run of the mill editor's assistant with very little going for him in the dating department. Kakashi is a saucy bar-tender with a penchant for match-making. The only problem is, neither of them could've guessed what they were getting poor Sasuke into. After all, murders tend to blend right in. Possible Lemon, character death, and all sorts of messed up-ness.
1. What Luck is This?

**AN:** What lunacy. It's a true miracle that this piece ever came into existence. Between a full-time job, full-time college courses, volunteering at the BWS and being a professors grading assistant, I have no free time. [Now I get to add the wonders of Christmas gift making on top of that. Joy.] But, my brain simply would not let sleeping dogs lie. Thus, you have this story. Also, later this week, perhaps, a new chapter of MLM will be up. Thank you to my ever-patient readers, and to my poor sister who was entirely ignored in pursuit of this fic.

**NOTE:** Text messages will be displayed in **bold**. Try not to think too hard, lovelies.

_Why? Why? Why?_

Sasuke had never been popular. Not simply because his looks were nothing to write home about (his hair and eyes were black, and his skin sickly pale), but because his oftentimes sarcastic and sharp personality was nothing short of off-putting.

This is why, when he had been walked out upon by yet another date, he wasn't all that shocked.

Shocked? Hardly. Disappointed? Hell yes.

He sighed, running his thin fingers through his disobedient mess of inky hair, thinking through the horror that had just been his first and only date with "Neji".

_'Probably wasn't even his name. Poser. Fucking poser. Holy hell. Talk about flaming.'_

Sasuke had been…gender specific, since he was fifteen, when he had a rather embarrassing mishap with a fellow student involving being locked (overnight) inside the school's locker room after gym-class. Things had changed.

Ever since then, he had been on the wrong end of a string of bad relationships, and he had been brooding over whether or not he should give up altogether. One the one hand, he was giving up sex. On the other, he had a future of never having to deal with another annoyance. And he had already proven himself to be very efficient when it came to "taking care of himself".

His breath swam from his mouth in twisting tendrils to the icy air around him as he pulled his coat closer about his tiny frame. A horrid date to match equally horrid weather. Sasuke hated the cold. No, not hated, loathed.

Which is why he sought out shelter in a small pub a few blocks from his apartment. It was time to get stinking drunk, and order a nice toasty cab home.

"Another loss, eh, Sasuke?" was the ever present grinning greeting of his chosen bar-tender. He was an older man, Sasuke assumed, because of his grey hair. But from the way he talked, Kakashi couldn't have been over thirty.

"Yeah. Too young. I felt like a pedophile," Sasuke said quietly, giving the bar-tender a small smirk as he shed his coat and scarf, slinging them over the back of his seat at the otherwise empty bar.

"Hyuga's never age. It's a fact of life. You can't say I didn't warn you."

It was true. Kakashi had given him a warning. A very long, ranting, flesh-crawling warning. Which, of course, he hadn't listened to. He should really learn.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But I'm a sucker for those pale eyes."

"You know, you still haven't taken me up on my offer to set you up. I know a lot of hunks with blue peepers," only one of his eyes squinted as he smiled. The other was hidden under his eye patch. Sasuke had never asked why.

"I have a feeling that every guy you know is a registered sex-offender."

"Your boss is a registered sex-offender."

Both of them laughed, but only for a few seconds, as Sasuke's cell began to ring, marking a call from the devil himself.

"Speak of the devil," Sasuke mumbled, sliding the button of his iPhone and setting the phone to speaker, as the only person to hear was Kakashi.

"Sasuke," came the purring voice over the speaker, "Did you have plans for the evening?"

Sasuke was caught between rolling his eyes and shuddering in disgust.

"Yes, actually. I got a text from my brother asking me to put him up for the night while he's in town."

"Oh, darn. I was rather hoping you would come and keep me company through the work-load."

Sasuke sighed. This happened every Friday night like clock-work, and there was only one solution.

"I can drop in and pick up a carton, but I've really got to work from my home-base this week, Orochimaru."

Sasuke could taste the grin as his boss readily agreed to packing a carton full of manuscripts for him to take home over his week off. Not that Sasuke minded. It wasn't like he had anything better to do, and getting lost in a manuscript sounded like a better way to spend his evenings than watching an entire season of Criminal Minds while gorging on icecream.

He hung up the phone after agreeing to swing by in an hour, and promptly clapped his forehead down on the bar-top.

"So… I'm just going to go ahead and give this kid your number, because the two of you will have a riot over your week off."

Before Sasuke could get his head off the counter, Kakashi had already snatched his phone, and was readily sending a text off to some creep or another. After all, that was the only kind of person Kakashi knew. Creepy.

"I really don't have any interest in dating someone like you, Kakashi. I'll let Iruka have every ounce of that fun."

Kakashi grinned and giggled, an eerie combination for an older man with an eye-patch, and put Sasuke's usual apple martini in front of him.

"Fruit for fruit, boy-o. And trust me on this one. Not every guy I know works in the porn industry."

Sasuke sighed, gulping down the alcohol with the swift precision of a well-practiced drunk, and wriggling his way back into his coat.

"Call me a cab, will you? I'm not walking back the five blocks in this kind of weather."

Kakashi nodded, being in equal hatred of the fluffy while stuff, and pressed the bars speed-dial to the cab company, easily giving them the where's and to's before waving Sasuke a fond farewell.

The cab was at the curb by the time Sasuke got everything together, made a final call into work to make sure the carton was ready, and text his brother his new address. Said cab was only slightly warmer than the outside air, but since it cut the wind, Sasuke was grateful. He politely asked the cabbie to wait for him while he ran in to grab the package, making sure that his boss sensed his displeasure before scampering back to the cab.

He hefted the package into the back seat, slid in next to it, and checked his phone again. His brother, who should consider having his phone surgically attached to his body, was always quick to respond.

**See you in twenty.**

Eight minutes later, Sasuke was out of the cab and fumbling with his keys. Four minutes and an awkward conversation with the elderly landlady brought him to his apartment. Three more minutes saw coffee on to brew, clothes in the wash, and sweat pants tossed onto his lanky frame.

He had five minutes left before Itachi came over, and it only took him two of those five to make up the sofa into a comfortable bed, and one more to set his manuscripts out on the table in alphabetical order. He couldn't argue against being more than a little obsessive compulsive.

It was exactly twenty minutes after receiving the text that Itachi knocked at the door. Sasuke quickly let him in, offering coffee and taking his coat to hang in the closet.

"I like the place, Sasuke. It's different from the last one. More open."

Itachi was an architect, and had never been very pleased with his previous living spaces. Which is why, this time around, he had specifically gone hunting for an apartment with "good bones".

"It's really more space than I need," Sasuke said, handing Itachi a steaming mug of coffee before the both of them plopped down onto the sofa.

Sasuke and Itachi had not gotten along well as children. Their home had been built in the spirit of competition, and their parents constantly pitted them against each other to push them to their potential. So to speak.

Which is why Sasuke no longer spoke to his parents. They apparently weren't happy with having an editor's assistant as a son.

But, despite the rough rocks of their past, they had somehow settled into a total comfort of companionship over the last two years. Sasuke had graduated college, and Itachi had opened up his own architectural business, and the two of them had taken comfort in each other. Not in a creepy way, of course, but they could now sit in a comfortable silence together.

Itachi made some comment or another about how late it was, and Sasuke took the hint, feeling his eyes beginning to get the tell-tale stale feeling of sleep deprivation. The two brothers parted ways and Sasuke was nearly asleep when his phone buzzed with a text message.

_'Ignore it. Just go to sleep,'_ Sasuke sighed, burying his face in the pillows.

"Ugh," he whispered, "what if it's Orochimaru?"

He practically flung his tired arm out onto the nightstand, quickly turning to his text messages.

Unknown number.

Fabulous.

**Inuzuka café. Tomorrow. 2 o'clock?**

_'What the hell? Who could be-'_

And dawn struck him. Kakashi. Giving his number to some unknown stranger. Who was probably a molester. Or would make a suit out of his skin. Fabulous.

And yet, sitting there in the dark, with his bed dwindled down to the warmth of only one person, Sauske decided it couldn't be that bad. After all, Inuzuka's was a busy, public spot. Just like the restaurant he'd been in for his yelling match of a date, today.

**2's fine.**

He didn't bother checking to see if whoever it was replied, or to think over whether or not meeting up with a total stranger was really a good idea. No, the only thing wandering through Sasuke's mind was the sound of wind whistling past his window, and his bed being too cold.

_'Why can't somebody just_ love me_?'_

**AN:** Well, there you have it, dearies. I know that it's terribly drawn out, and utterly boring, but I promise that the next chapter will be extra spicy~


	2. Too Good to be True

**AN:** Well, as per usual, my chapters fly out quick at first. There's quite a bit to do in ways of plot for this one, so I do hope you'll continue to read until things get really interesting. This is the final boring chapter. Hopefully. I can't stand this sort of writing. However, things had to be arranged in order for my plot to progress. Sorry for what seems like an utterly boring chapter. The next chapter is written and much more exciting, and will be posted later this week. Once again, I apologize.

_How? How? How?_

Sasuke had what some people might call terrible karma. No matter what day of the week, or how careful he was the night before, he always woke up on the day of his dates with entirely unmanageable hair. There was no way to tame the mane that swallowed his head that morning.

Which is why he finally left his room in what one could only consider homeless-person-chic. A long, rather loose sweater, skinny jeans, combat boots, and his ever-faithful slouchy beanie. He knew he never quite pulled off the look, but it was comfortable and warm, and most importantly, somewhat diminished his terrible hair.

By the time he made it out to snatch his morning bagel, Itachi had already vanished, leaving a pile of perfectly folded blankets on the end of the sofa, with a scribbled note of thanks.

'_Damn early riser,'_ Sasuke sighed. He hated mornings. It was a rare day, at least while he was on vacation, for him to be up before noon. Today he had rolled out of bed at eleven, sharp, and proceeded to battle his hair for an hour and a half. He bundled into his coat and scarf, knowing that today was going to be equal measures of cold and long.

It was now twelve-thirty, and there was a pile of manuscripts staring at him from his coffee table. He slung his satchel over his shoulder, crammed one of the dilapidated beasts into it, stuffed the last of his bagel into his mouth, and grumpily made his way out of his apartment building.

The weather outside was nothing short of miserable, if one didn't like a dust of perfect white powder and cold, humid air. He pulled his scarf tighter around his pale throat, trying his best not to sulk as he made his way to the coffee shop. He knew that he was more than an hour-and-a-half early, but there was reading to be done, and Inuzuka's was always the perfect combination of warm and quiet.

'_Unlike Starbucks. Fucking Starbucks. Always loud, always annoying, and always fucking cold.'_

His phone shook his pocket, and it was with numb fingers that he tugged the device out and checked his messages.

**Still on for two?**

'_No,'_ Sasuke thought, his inner sarcasm roiling with contempt, _'I decided to jump off a bridge and end my sufferings with relationships preemptively.'_

Yeah. Still on.

It wasn't half a second later when another text came zooming in.

Great. 3 (:

'_Did he just emote? Twice? In the same text?'_

He let out a long groan, shoving his phone back into his pocket, and opening the door to the coffee shop with all of the happiness of a field-dressed deer.

As always, he went entirely unnoticed by anyone in the place. He had never been a looker, and never would be, by any means. He just blended into the scenery like the wall-flower he'd been since birth.

An overly happy woman with pink hair practically jumped over the counter when she asked for his order. He stepped back a bit, fighting not to glare at the girl, and gave her a hollow smile as he ordered his caramel coffee. He had a sweet tooth that could never be tamed.

Twelve seconds and a short walk to the front corner of the coffee shop had Sasuke with his coffee and fruit tart, settling in for a long hour of reading. For some reason, the title "Sweetest Embrace", didn't hold much promise for him.

Business in the little shop was quiet but steady, creating a blissful hum of un-silence that enveloped him like the warm air streaming from the vent above his seat. He had chosen it specifically for that reason.

He had been reading for just shy of an hour, when he decided his tart could use some much needed attention, and began munching on it while glancing around at the other tables. Nearly every seat held a new person, and several were taken now that hadn't been when he'd entered earlier. But it was only one person who really caught his eye.

'_Holy fuck. What a hottie,'_ Sasuke thought, drinking in the appearance of a blonde in the opposite corner, _'California beach babe? I mean, who has a tan like that in the dead of winter? Probably uses a cancer bed, but with that kind of body, who fucking cares?'_

His stomach dropped a bit when he saw the blue-eyed-god staring at a dark haired girl (?) across the shop.

'_Of course he's straight. You don't get that much muscle unless you're bench pressing girls four nights a week.'_

He rolled his eyes, letting out a small sigh, and was about to give up on staring at the young man altogether when he noticed the blonde scowl. Sasuke glanced to his left and saw that a burly (and rather terrifying looking) man, had sat down next to the girl (?), and was eagerly attempting to remove her tongue with his.

Sasuke shuddered at both the display of affection (most likely only bothering him because he wasn't on the receiving end of it), and the thought of a woman being all over a person. Gross.

By the time he pulled out of his little revelry, the blonde was standing, and walking.

'_Work the runway, son,'_ Sasuke thought, smirking as he watched the blonde's hips. It wasn't until a full ten seconds later that he realized the blonde was walking right towards him.

"Sasuke?"

'_A voice like honey and—'_

"Uh…. Yeah."

"I always figured an English major would be more eloquent," the blonde said, letting out a low chuckle, sending sparks down Sasuke's spine, "I was hoping I didn't make a total fool of myself on a guess."

"No, you guessed right. How long have you been waiting?"

"Well, Kakashi said to come early and look for a girly-guy with dark hair, but when he said you worked for an publishing company, I wasn't figuring on the boho-chic look," he gave Sasuke a grin that was slowly melting the polar ice-caps.

"Umm…. Bad hair day?"

There was that laugh, like bells and sunshine and childlike wonder all wrapped in gold.

"I know the feeling, man. I have the exact same beanie at home for the occasional bad hair day."

Sasuke tried to picture the guy with messy hair, and ended up imagining him with sex-hair instead. Between Sasuke's legs. All tan and sweaty and moaning….

"By the way, I'm Naruto," a tan hand with long, strong looking fingers stretched across the table.

Sasuke reached his hand out, nearly moaning at the heat coming off from the blonde's skin, and the way his hand looked so tiny and delicate next to his.

"N-nice to meet you, Naruto. Umm…. What do you do for a living?"

Naruto chuckled at the stutter, and relaxed back into his seat, setting his coffee down on the table.

"I'm a studio artist and photographer," Naruto said, his voice soft, yet somehow bright, "And you're an Uchiha, working in an industry other than weaponry."

Sasuke couldn't help but blush. His family was known through this country and most others as the lead supplier of arms for the towering powers of the world. It wasn't unusual for him to get an odd look when someone heard his last name.

"Yeah, well, unlike my parents, I'd rather create than destroy."

"I know how you feel. Both of my parents tried to rope me in to the family pursuits, and I just had to break free of that."

Sasuke couldn't recall the man giving his last name, and thus had very little to go on. The confusion must've made itself manifest on his face, because Naruto chuckled again.

"My dad is a profiler for the FBI, and my mom is a retired CIA agent."

Sasuke blinked. And blinked again. And once more for good measure.

"Are you being serious?"

"Deadly."

"Wow. That would be… an interesting home to grow up in."

"Yeah, having your first date submitted to psychological torture might mess a guy up, but I love my family, quirks and all."

He couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's humor. It was rare for him to find a guy who was both attractive and interesting.

"So, Sasuke, just have to get this out of the way, if you don't mind…."

'_And here's the part where he tells me I'm his first gay date, a total experiment, not into guys, or doing this for a bet,'_ Sasuke barely contained his sigh as he took a long draw off of his coffee.

"You're really fucking gorgeous."

Commence embarrassing choking sequence.

"Oh shit! Are you alright? I'm sorry, people keep telling me I'm too forward! Damnit, I made you get coffee all over your white scarf!"

Sasuke had to fight the demon snake in his pants from rising to attention as the blonde leaned in (all too closely) to attempt at dabbing the coffee out of his scarf. His masculine scent rushing into the raven's nose and cementing the memory of this moment in his mind forever.

"It's ok, really. I can just buy another one. I just wasn't expecting to hear… that."

Sasuke gently pushed the blonde's hands away, both enjoying the contact and regretting ending it, before he jumped the man right here in the coffee shop.

"Was it the cursing? I've got a mouth like a sailor. Figured Kakashi would've warned you about that."

Sasuke stared, practically aghast, at the Adonis across the table.

'_He thinks I spewed coffee because he swore?'_

"Uh… no. I just don't get compliments very often."

It was the other's turn to look across the tiny table in (albeit less concealed) shock.

"No way. I mean, I know you're my type, but I figured my type was pretty standard. How do you not have a date every night of the week? If I had a figure like yours, I certainly wouldn't be shy about it."

"Figure?"

"Well, yeah," the blonde said, rubbing the back of his head, a soft blush dusting across his cheeks, "You know, all dark and mysterious and stuff. I don't even get the chance at proper conversation because people put blonde and surfer in the same sentence, and figure I'm barely capable of thought."

The man instantly became more appetizing. Hot, blond, and in want of intelligent conversation? Sasuke fought the urge to get giddy over the prospect of possibly getting laid before sundown.

"So, you really are a surfer?"

"Ha. Yeah, when I'm in water that isn't likely to freeze my balls off."

Sasuke couldn't help but laugh.

"Sasuke, are you working today?"

"Umm…. No. I've got a week off," he said, letting his eyebrow rise up his forehead.

"Want to spend the day with me?"

Sasuke tried his best not to imitate a trout as he nodded dumbly, and attempted to pay attention as Naruto told him about the day he'd planned out.

'_How in the world is this possible?'_

**AN: **Well, I know how boring that was. But it will all be over soon. In terms of excitement. The next chapter is so much better! I promise! Reviews give me sustenance.


	3. Some Sort of Dream

**AN:** I am so surprised that anyone is reading this. Goodness. But thank you very much to all of my fans who have swarmed to this little drabble! Anyway, I really hope that it continues to please! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIALS NOT MEANT FOR IMMATURE READERS. ALL SORTS OF CITRUS. You have been warned.

_Don't. Don't. Don't._

The kiss was all teeth and tongues and barely constrained lust. Sasuke could barely get enough breath into his lungs between the passionate curling of their slick muscles as they battled for dominance.

'_Holy shit. I'm making out with a total hottie. In my apartment. With the door shut. Please let him make the extra twelve feet to the bedroom…!'_

Naruto slowly pulled his lips and tongue and teeth away, pressing Sasuke deeper into the wall they were leaning against, using his nose to easily tilt Sasuke's head back, exposing a delicate, pale column of flesh.

"You're so fucking beautiful, Sasuke," Naruto whispered huskily, his breath smoothing over the delicate skin of Sasuke's throat.

Sasuke could feel the blush as it spread across his cheeks, letting his fingers clutch tighter to Naruto's jacket, inwardly begging that this wasn't some dream, or worse, a sick prank.

Teeth lightly grazing over the junction of his ear and jaw quickly distracted him from any logical thought, and had his knees beginning to weaken.

"Naruto…. Please…."

The blonde pressed his body fully against the raven's, their hips clashing together with a fury of sparks down both of their spines.

Sasuke shakily unzipped Naruto's jacket, sliding it off of broad shoulders to collapse to the floor, letting his fingers wander around to a strong back, the muscles rippling under the blonde's cotton t-shirt.

Naruto lavished the brunette's pale neck with slow kisses and swipes of his tongue, drinking in every whimper and tiny moan, grinding their hips into each other and smiling against the pale flesh as he felt his partner's equal excitement.

Pale fingers slid down over narrow hips and into the pockets over the ass he'd been oogling every chance he'd gotten that day. The blonde was as firm here as anywhere else, completing the allusion to Adonis Sasuke had had of him since he first laid eyes on him. When his finger slid over the edge of a small foil packet that could only be one thing, his heart leapt into his throat with unconstrained excitement.

"What do you say we take this to bed…?" The blonde whispered quietly into the raven's ear, trying his best to hide his nervousness. He'd waited only a day, but that was long enough.

Sasuke barely managed to contain an excited squeal, but chose the more manly approach of threading his long fingers into the blonde's hair and locking him into a searing kiss, pulling them away from the wall and backing them to the bedroom.

A trail of scattered clothes and the fading remnants of chuckles as only slightly timid hands raced over newly exposed flesh, taking tastes of the new and the exotic. Cream and tan flesh tangled into each other as they collapsed back onto the bed, their limbs tangling together in an erotic dance that rolled and roiled across the sheets in a playful wrestling match for dominance.

It was Naruto, not surprisingly, who finally pinned a shyly smiling Sasuke to the bed, grinning down in a brief moment of triumph.

"Do you have-"

Sasuke's smile broadened as he held the foil packet up to his lips, letting out a less than manly giggle that he would never admit to later.

"You little pick-pocket!" Naruto chuckled, taking the packet from his pale fingers and kissing him deeply, "But I was going to ask for lube."

Pale cheeks turned a shade shy of ruby red as Sasuke reached a shaking hand into the nightstand and provided said lubrication.

"You know, you really don't have to be delicate with me, I mean I can handle anythi—"

A tan finger came to rest against slightly pale lips, and Naruto leaned in close enough that Sasuke could feel his warmth radiating off of his perfect skin.

"I want to treasure you," came the soft low whisper, and a gentle hand took the bottle and placed it on the bed before giving Sasuke a soul-ravishing kiss.

Sasuke slowly slid his hands down the broad chest before him, smiling against the blonde's lips as he earned an appreciative moan when his fingertips grazed slowly over the other's nipples.

Large tan hands hooked gently under pale thighs, pulling them up and spreading them open, leaving Sasuke to flush with color as he was exposed. The raven looked up at the blonde, biting his lip as he waited for the next move to be made.

A small smirk brushed over the face of the taller male as he slid lower, sliding the both of them down to the foot of the bed, until Naruto was kneeling on the floor and looking up at Sasuke with eyes full of something wicked.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, sliding his hands all too slowly down the inner thighs of his partner.

Sasuke let his lids slide shut, his body trembling with anticipation, his hands falling lax to the dark sheets beneath him.

The blonde bowed his head, running the tip of his nose over the pale flesh, breathing in the heady scent of the brunette, moving his hands back, pressing Sasuke's legs further and further back until his hips lifted slightly from the bed.

"Naruto…?" Sasuke's teeth dug slightly into his lips, his fingers tensing slowly.

The blonde's talented tongue came into contact with the pale man's entrance, drawing a long low moan from the raven as the small of his back attempted to arch. The muscle worked over him, lapping from his entrance to his balls and back again, slowly, torturously, dipping just slightly into the muscle each time.

"Mnn…. Fuck, Naruto...," the raven moaned, his fingers finding their way to honey colored strands of hair, pulling them slowly and steadily from the base.

The brunette was rewarded with a resonating moan that sent vibrations up the underside of his cock.

The blonde had been licking and sucking him for so long that Sasuke slowly lost track of time, his mind lost in the haze of desire as his body rode a slow tide of pleasure. It was only when the third well oiled finger slowly entered his body and the blonde moved up his chest to bite softly at his nipples that Sasuke had even a second of clarity.

The pain mixed deliciously with pleasure and had Sasuke curling his toes as his muscles flexed and clenched around the long, sturdy digits inside of him.

"I'm going to ruin you, Sasuke," the blonde whispered huskily, shredding the foil packet open with his teeth, not pausing for a moment as he slid the latex over his engorged member, "No man will ever satisfy you again."

Sasuke looked up at the blonde, his lips poised to question him, but before he could get enough breath into his struggling lungs, the blonde had sheathed himself completely inside of the raven in one fell stroke.

Sasuke clenched the sheets, his back arching sharply from the bed, his head thrown back in a moan that came from the very core of his soul. While he had assumed Naruto would be rather…well endowed… he had never expected this. The blonde was reaching deeper than any man had before, or perhaps it was just his mind playing tricks, or the position they were in, but he didn't care because it was real, and it was now, and it was fucking incredible.

Two thick columns of tan arms came to rest at either side of the raven's head, the blonde leaning over him, letting out a breathy moan as he pulled out to the tip before thrusting savagely into the willing body beneath him.

Seconds, moments, minutes passed, the two bodies rocking and arching and fitting to each other in a way that was only perfect. The sound of skin meeting skin, and the glisten of sweat laden flesh as it glinted from the pale light slinking in from the slightly opened curtains, and their moans and whimpers echoing and rising filled the space. It was all, it was everything, it was consuming them both and neither cared how dark the road ahead may be.

The pace became frantic, both men reaching their limits, their bodies rushing towards the peak as their minds begged to stay in this moment just a minute longer.

Sasuke dug his nails into Naruto's shoulders, his back coming fully from the bed, his voice leaving his throat in a ragged hymn of praise as his climax smashed into him with the force of a truck at high speed. His vision blacked as the blonde slammed continually into his prostate, not renlenting for a second through his powerful orgasm, the blonde cursing and stiffening as he toppled over the edge along with him.

They fell together in the dark ocean of the sheets, their bodies slick and trembling as each struggled for air. A few sloppy kisses were shared as their bodies cooled and calmed, until Naruto shifted the both of them further up onto the bed, cocooning their bodies in the warm bedcovers and pulling the smaller male to his chest.

"That was-"

"Amazing," the blonde chuckled, "I know."

Sasuke felt like retaliating, giving some sarcastic comment about the blonde's overzealous pride, but at the moment he couldn't help but agree. He sank deeper into the embrace and felt every muscle in his body melt into nothingness, sleep drifting over his mind like a moth's wings.

"Goodnight, Sasuke," came the gentle whisper, and only a mumbled reply returned, a single thought crossing the raven's mind in those final moments:

'_Don't let this be a dream…'_

**AN: **Your comments make suicide less appealing.


	4. Sliping Sliding Paradise

AN: Well, once again it astounds me how many people read what I write. And even more that I actually have fans. I am utterly flattered. This chapter hit me today while at work and refused to leave me alone. I am hoping it satisfies.

NOTE: There is a small portion here which will be typed in BOLD ITALICS. This is music playing. The writing makes it fairly obvious, but I wanted to make sure no one got lost.

Next. Next. Next.

Sasuke rolled over in his bed, stretching languidly over the entirety of its surface, his muscles feeling more relaxed then they had in ages. He opened his eyes slowly that day, looking over at his clock to see that it was just past nine (he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept in that late), and that a sliver of light was streaming in through the cracks in his curtains.

He lifted his arm to make a grab for his phone, and blinked a few times when he realized it wasn't in its usual place on the nightstand.

'_What the hell….?'_

He shifted to sit up, and winced when a lancet of pain raced from his hips to the base of his skull.

'_Oh. Yeah. That.'_

He blushed, looking over at the empty space in his bed, allowing himself a small sad smile as he realized he'd woken up in bed alone. Again. Like always.

He pulled his pale knees up under the covers, resting his forehead against them, running over the memory of last night and begging his mind to commit every second of it to his permanent memory banks. His breath left him in a long slow sigh as he sank in on himself.

'_Without fail, the ugly duckling chases off another swan,'_ he thought to himself, running his hand haphazardly through his messy hair.

_**I want to kill everybody in the world. I want to kill everybody in the world. I want to kill everybody in the world.**_

Sasuke shot his head up and forced his eyes to settle in the off-light of his bedroom to find the source of the music that could only be described as "really fucking creepy."

There was a sound of something falling in the apartment, and he was out of his bed and in the closet for his baseball bat in half a second or less, the aluminum weapon poised expertly over his shoulder.

"Shit! Fuck! No, no, no, no!"

Sasuke blinked. He knew that voice. He knew that voice… intimately.

The blonde Adonis came scrambling into the bedroom with all of the grace of a bull in a china shop, fumbling with his jeans a moment too late to catch the call.

"Damnit," Naruto sighed, ruffling his hair and standing slowly, adjusting his boxers over his hips.

An action, which one might imagine, was extremely distracting to a certain raven, who dropped the bat in his hand with a clatter.

"Fuck! Sasuke! What the hell are you- oh. Oh, I'm so sorry to wake you on your day off! I was hoping you would sleep long enough for me to-"

"What the hell is with that ringtone?" Sasuke half yelled, half whispered.

"Oh. Uh…. That's my agent's number. He's…special."

Sasuke shook his head, suddenly realizing that he was naked and making a dead dash for the closet where he stumbled his way into a pair of boxer briefs.

"Umm… sorry about my phone. I didn't want to wake you up before breakfast was ready. Shit timing."

Sasuke froze with one leg into a pair of sweat pants. He blinked. He blinked again. He was doing a lot of blinking this morning.

"You…made breakfast?"

"Yeah. Well, with what you had. I mean, I'm not much of a breakfast person myself, but you had eggs and flour, so I figured crepes would be ok."

Sasuke finished tugging his pants on, slid into a tshirt (which he would admit was fitting a little too snuggly), and stepped out into his bedroom.

"You made me crepes," he deadpanned.

"Are you…. Like… allergic…?" The blonde fidgeted slightly, and in his nervousness attempted to stuff his phone into pockets that weren't there. The resulting embarrassed scramble to pick up the phone and the battery that had shot out of the device on impact, had Sasuke chuckling before his coffee. A rare occurance.

"You are such a fucking goober," he shook his dark bangs away from his face, tossing the blonde one of Itachi's t-shirts he kept as pajamas, and walked into the kitchen.

"What's a goober? Sasuke? What the hell's a goober? Is it a bad thing?" The questions came to Sasuke partially muffled through the cotton coming up and over the blonde's head. Said blonde seemed to notice that the shirt was a lot bigger than Sasuke.

"Oh shit. Did you just give me your boyfriend's shirt or something?"

The look on the blonde's face was priceless, caught somewhere between pissed and completely scandalized.

The brunette opened his stainless steel fridge, pulled out a gallon of milk, and laughed quietly to himself.

"That's my brother's t-shirt, idiot. And goober is another word for idiot."

"Woah. You're fucking your brother? That's… messed up."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, grabbing two glasses and a couple of plates from the dark wood cupboard, turning to look at the blonde.

"He comes here occasionally for business, and when he does he stays at my place. He keeps some of his clothes here just in case. You two are about as tall as each other. Though that shirt is umm… a little tight."

Tight was right. The blonde's abs could be traced through the cotton, and had Sasuke thinking of things a lot more interesting than fruit filled pastries. And then of whipped cream. And of Naruto covered in whipped cream. And licking it off his body nice and slow and-

"If you want me naked, just ask," the blonde smirked, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter.

Breakfast passed with equally sexual banter bouncing between the two as they enjoyed the crepes Naruto had made, Sasuke adding "good cook" to the list of the tan man's amazing traits.

Their playful mood was dampened when his phone went off again, and Naruto answered it with a sigh.

"What?"

He reached his foot out under the table, running his toe slowly up Sasuke's calf.

"Can't it wait? I'm kind of enjoying my morning."

Sasuke blushed and bit his lip softly as the man across the table winked at him.

"What? Why would you- Fuck. Whatever. Just stay where you are, and I'll be there in half an hour," the blonde's countenance hardened as he practically cracked the screen of his smartphone in the process of ending the call.

"Is everything ok?" Sasuke whispered, looking up at the blonde who was rising quickly and taking their dishes to the sink.

"I've just got to run and take care of something. One of my buddies got himself in trouble again and I need to…help him out," Naruto quickly made his way back to the bedroom, dressing in a flurry of curses and swoops.

"Do you need a ride? I ca-"

"No. No I don't need a ride," he picked his jacket up off the living room floor, walking up to Sasuke and giving him a deep kiss, "I promise that next time I'll help with the dishes. I'll call you as soon as I get this fucker sorted out."

Another quick peck on the lips and the blonde vanished from the apartment.

Sasuke touched his lips, looking in at the dishes in the sink.

'_Next time,'_ he thought, running his thumb over his lips, trying his hardest to contain a purr, _'Next time.'_

"NEXT TIME!" he shouted, fist pumping in a rather teenagerly way as he indulged in a short victory dance to the sink.

He filled the sink with hot bubbly water, and started to clean the remnants of the meal from the dishes, a grin plastered firmly on his face as he thought about the blonde. And the way the blonde left.

'_That was a little weird, wasn't it?'_ he bit his lip, his smile faltering just a little, _'No, no it wasn't. His friend was in trouble and he needed to help him. That just proves that he's a nice guy. Who made you breakfast. And told you there'd be a next time. And you know that you can count the times you've heard that on one hand.'_

Sasuke looked over at the door, shifting his thighs together and chewing his lips softly. The blonde.

'_Next time.'_

**AN:** Well, I know that it was ridiculously short, but the plot thickens. And just wait my pretties, things are about to get _good._


End file.
